marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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