"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
