Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize