i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
