Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
