Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
