No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
