I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
