why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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