nut hugger
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
