it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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