....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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