i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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