may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
