she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
