I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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