apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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