I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
