The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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