that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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