Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
this is an emotional support booty call
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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