who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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