Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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