I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
