I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
