I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
