Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
