honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
