it was like eating out sand paper
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize