I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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