Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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