It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
