Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
