I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
