i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
