I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
