His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
