if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
