The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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