I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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