just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
