even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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