i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
