white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
