what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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