i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
