Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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