We're facebook friends in real life
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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