My underwear smells like fireworks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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