My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My breasts were aching with rage.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
