I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
