Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's always time for handjobs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
