I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
