dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
