Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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