After last night, I could never be a politician.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
