You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
