im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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