we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
