im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize