By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
