My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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