I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
