I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
