I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it's like heaven, but drunker
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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