I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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