those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
