I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
